life in my head: the current

so here i am. not really sure why. i have just had this compulsion to write. i am not a writer by any means... actually i have been told that my writing is like me just talking. but i have decided that i think i need to. for me. for my journey. as my record. i am a pretty private person as far as "sharing" myself with others, so i have hesitated about blogging at all because i feel that i dont need the world to see me, but i feel like i should write. i dont want to share my deepest thoughts, but i dont want to be all, how's the weather, either. so i guess i will figure it out. and i am not even sure if any of this will be open for the world to read or not... hmm. we will see.

me, right now:

searching - afraid - hopeful - grateful

searching: god. the true undeniable love of god. i know him. i want to know more. i am searching for truth about myself. who am i? why am i the way i am? why do i perceive myself the way that i do? for answers. answers for all of my inquisitive brain. everything from the most controversial issues in christianity to why is the sky blue?*

afraid: this one is a deeper part of me. hard for me to answer here. there are a few pretty large fears that, if you know me... you know why and what. trust. failure. abandonment. i will leave it at that.

hopeful: i am. because of jesus. honestly, he is my hope. and sometimes when i seem to forget that, which happens more often than i would like to think, i have my close friends that remind me to look and remember. which leads me to the next one...

grateful: no matter where i am in life, my true friends have held me up. i know, sounds like a cheesy hallmark card, but truth is truth. the value i that hold for my close friends is deep. i am so beyond grateful. true friends: trustworthy & faithful.

*i have always been the inquisitive one. my father has told me over and over that when i was a kid that he couldnt take me in the car because they would become "why rides"... i would ask a question, he would answer, and my response over and over would be, "why?"